Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
