call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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