Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
