so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
