dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
