Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She said her name was "party"
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
