I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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