you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
