if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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