Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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