Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
