He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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