i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
