Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
