Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
