My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
