I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
