I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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