Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Pants are for mortals
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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