I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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