He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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