Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
