I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
