saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
