who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
