I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
