what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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