if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
