Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
