Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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