I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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