The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
