I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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