took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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