i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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