The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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