i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
