watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
