4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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