An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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