also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
