I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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