He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
