Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
