Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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