Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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