My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
