i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize