I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
