When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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