i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
