Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
