No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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