1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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