So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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