youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
