Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
