I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
