I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
