i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
