Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
