I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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