I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
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