why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
