hotel room ftw
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
