Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
