I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She announced her abortion via fbk
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
