he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
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